Play along at home, safe from the vision of Bryan Sanders in bike shorts.
1. In April, Candace Scott Chapman of Little Rock pleaded guilty to federal charges of transporting stolen property across state lines and conspiracy to commit mail fraud. She faces up to 30 years in prison and a fine of up to $500,000 on the two charges. What stolen property was Chapman trafficking?
A. “Poppy Flowers” by Vincent van Gogh, famously stolen in broad daylight in 2010 from the Mohamed Mahmoud Khalil Museum in Cairo.
B. Beloved Arkansas Razorback mascot Tusk VI and his luxury travel trailer.
C. Three boxes of classified documents from a hallway bathroom at Mar-a-Lago.
D. Body parts, including “2 brains, one with skullcap, 3 hearts one cut, 2 fake boobies, one large belly button piece of skin, one arm, one huge piece of skin, and one lung.”
2. Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders appointed former state senator and forever self-important Christian nationalist Jason Rapert to the Arkansas Library Board last December. Recently, Rapert made headlines when he leveled what complaint at the other board members?
A. The women on the board continue to speak before they have been spoken to.
B. None of them can play mandolin worth a damn, leaving Rapert without proper accompaniment when he takes hourly fiddle breaks during board meetings.
C. They were not sufficiently impressed when Rapert mentioned he’d been wearing a jail-tail style goatee for 20 consecutive years.
D. They created a hostile work environment that discriminates against straight, white, Christian men.
3. First Gentleman Bryan Sanders made headlines when he announced he would be riding his bike to work as part of Metroplan’s Ozone Action Days. Why did this announcement leave a number of Arkansans scratching their heads?
A. Sanders made the Arkansas State Police follow him solely to take pictures of his “sick wheelies and rail grinds.”
B. Sanders used a state credit card to order himself an alligator skin helmet and matching bike shoes for the ride.
C. Sarah Sanders said she would be riding on Bryan’s handlebars so the first gentleman could continue his streak of never letting her go anywhere without him.
D. Sanders said he was biking to work at the Capitol, despite not having a job there.
4. Lunden Roberts, known best as Hunter Biden’s baby mama, announced she was releasing a tell-all book about the Biden scion. What is the title of Roberts’ forthcoming opus?
A. “Laptops & Lapdances: Hunter Biden’s Life of Secrets”
B. ”From Here to Paternity: How Hunter Became the Hunted”
C. “Schlong Quixote”
D. ”Out of the Shadows: My Life Inside the Wild World of Hunter Biden”
5. Tayvia Woodfork was traveling from Hot Springs to her home in Mississippi early last month when her family stopped at the Golden Corral on Warden Road in North Little Rock. What did Woodfork do in the Golden Corral bathroom that left her family unable to finish their meal?
A. Took a particularly sulfurous dump that left three diners hospitalized and caused the Arkansas Department of Emergency Management to lock down the restaurant for a day.
B. Nearly drowned when the automatic flush on her toilet malfunctioned, pulling her face-first into the commode by her hair.
C. Got caught eating an entire meal, including peach cobbler for dessert, that she’d smuggled in from Barnhill’s Steaks & Buffet in Jacksonville.
D. Had a baby despite Woodfork and her family having no idea she was 37 weeks pregnant at the time.
6. In April, lawmakers released the long-awaited audit of Gov. Sanders’ purchase of a $19,000 lectern with a state credit card. The audit, which was referred to the Pulaski County Prosecuting Attorney, found multiple potential violations of state law associated with the purchase. What was Gov. Sanders’ immediate response to the audit report?
A. Tweeting a cringey hype video for the lectern backed by the opening bars of Jay-Z’s “Public Service Announcement.”
B. Claiming that the report – which, again, found multiple potential crimes – vindicated her and proved she’d done nothing wrong.
C. Asserting that, regardless of what the report found, she is exempt from the law because Attorney General Tim Griffin said so.
D. All of the above.
7. On April 1, Arkansas Times editor Austin Gelder posted a satirical story that unexpectedly blew up on social media and caused a surprising amount of confusion for some Arkansans. What was the gist of that completely fictional story?
A. State Rep. David Ray (R-Maumelle) had released an autobiography in which he revealed that he lost his virginity with a goat when he was 24.
B. Sarah Sanders’ brother had been arrested overnight for breaking into the Little Rock Animal Village and strangling 17 dogs.
C. Scientists had discovered that cheese dip has cancer-inhibiting properties.
D. NASA had miscalculated the path of the April 8 eclipse and was now saying it would go through Marked Tree and Dumas, skipping western Arkansas entirely.
Answers below.
